1232a (2.19.10)
So last night I stayed up late reading Harry Potter. I really like those books. I feel like I identify with the characters in the books a little bit. But of course, that’s why everyone likes any kind of art: because we identify. So, I woke up a little bit later, around 10a.
This blog is going to be interesting, and may have some typos and stuff..I am not looking at my fingers while I type, I’m watching the Men’s Figure Skating finals. I hope that anyone besides Peshanko wins. (Or whatever his name is…you know, the dude who jumps quads great but is an ugly, arrogant asshole?)
Anyway, I invited best friend Billy over to do Jillian #3 this morning, and he did! He hasn’t worked out with me since about day 5 of Jillian #1. So, he came over, and he tried it out! And he got about 5 minutes in and said “I’m not moving anymore.” heheh…he wants to borrow Jillian after I’m done with her, because he felt all out of shape and stuff. =P Poor guy.
So the next thing I did was to go to the new spa I’m going to be working at, and talked over contracts and paperwork. I like the guy who runs the place, that’s why I’m going there. I really want to have a friend and a mentor in the business, and this guy has everything that I want. So this job will be a good place to learn a whole new set of skills in marketing, and such.
What do I need to do to get clients in the door? I feel embarassed…I mean, the shameless, continuous, obnoxious self-promotion is what is required of me to get clients…and I don’t want to do it. I wanted to have an ad in a paper do all of the work for me….turns out that’s not going to work.
I could always give in and put my picture in the ad like everyone else…I’m a good looking guy (believe it or not)…sigh…I don’t know if that’s a direction I even want to lean in though.
So, I’m going to have to commit to doing that which I don’t want to do. I’m going to have to hand out coupons, discount (I’m all ready discounted considering the level of the work that I do.)
I’m going to have to do chair massage, chat with strangers walking by in lobbies and parks…just whatever it’s going to take…I have monthly costs for rent and advertising now….either get to work or die of the financial stress I’m going to be under very shortly.
And where is the money in my bank account that was supposed to be there from my credit card transaction 3 business days ago? Hmm…I need to make another call tomorrow to my financial peeps. Why does it take so long to get money in your account? Oy vey!
I chatted with my Sister about Sex, Men & Love today. We’re both very passionate, and have extremely strong views. It can either be amazing chats, or beat your head against the wall chats. I liked the chat today. Everything she says comes out of love, and it’s also interesting, because so much of what her perspective is, is similar to what I think Hubby thinks about things.
In any case, moving on.
I have to go to more meetings for my support group for food issues. I am doing excellent on my own, and I hate those meetings, but my friend says that I must. Okay, fine. =)
My friend from the support group talked with me today, and we have decided that the largest thing going on with my marriage right now is that the whole dynamic is changing every since I’ve been becoming healthier and saner in the head.
When Hubby and I first got together, we had a very different dynamic. Very different. I was volatile, over emotional, abusive, desperate, etc….why the hell did he want me? I was exciting though…I’ll tell ya that.
Now that I’m becoming healthy, I think he’s truly happy for me…but when one person changes, it does throw the entire relationship dynamic off. I hope it will readjust. I hope Hubby knows that I need him just as much, but in a different way. I don’t need a savior anymore, I need a friend, and a cheerleader.
So, Shawn White, Olympic snowboarder….he won the gold medal on his very first run (you get to do two), and on his second run, he pulled out this bonus move that he’s been working on for four years! I mean, it was nice that he won, and he deserved to, but it’s a little disappointing to me that all of that hard work he put into moving the sport forward and improving was unecessary. Nobody could match him just doing the simple stuff, let alone match this awesome new move! How great for him, but how sad for him too.
He premiered his bonus fantastic new move when it wasn’t even needed. Why did that upset me so much? Upset is the wrong word….all right, no it isn’t. I’m upset. It feels like his second gold medal was WAY too easy.
I know what it feels like to earn something…it’s what my entire life is becoming based on: the feeling of earning, the feeling of well deserved self esteem. The Olympics is supposed to be where you give everything you have, and are amazed that you won! Just a little disappointing.
Oh, the main moderator dude on the Figure skating Review Preview show was wearing this amazing sweater with a satin piped hoodie! Awesome! (Random)
I love Max. He’s slowing down. He’s going to die relatively soon. I love him. I’m going to miss him. Please hang on a while longer, Max. =)
So, I haven’t jogged today. I will have to do an hour of cardio tomorrow. But food was perfect today. Down to the exact calorie! =)
I went and saw Billy’s show tonight. It was good. I got a $40 ticket on my car for being dumb.
Well, money, money, money…that’s what the end of my day is all about. The feeling of slowly crushing pressure with office fees (even for trades where I don’t make any money! Bullshit!), and watching my phone for new clients to call.
Well, that’s for me to face directly tomorrow. I don’t have a choice. I have to produce. I’m an adult business owner now…=( Not sure how I feel about that now. It was a big step for me….time to grow into it.
Well, Evan Lysachek (typo?) won the Gold. I don’t like him. He’s oddly skinny, his hair is ugly, he’s got awful costumes, and he does this kick to his head thing that is truly bizarre…like Jack Skelington having a seizure. Well..what did I want? I wanted Takahashi to win, I guess. Whatever. Good job Evan. =)
Johnny Weir woulda been cool too…he’s like a sassy gay superhero. =)
All right…nothing to do but to feel a little odd tonight. A little off. That’s okay, I can’t feel fantastic every single moment.
There is a way, a technique, a style, a protocol…something is out there, a path that would enable me to have lots of clients, I just have to start exploring those paths and be shameless until one of them works. I suppose that means I need to get some rest. Okay, goodnight.
Thanks for checking in with me today. I’ll be more inspiring and poignant tomorrow. =)
Jayson!
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